There are a lot of things that I thought were pretty disgusting before I had children. Now, I’d be surprised if you could shock me.
Kisses From Children
Before I had a child I was NOT into kissing other people’s kids- even the ones that are related to me. I was fine with kissing them on the forehead when they were babies, but when they became snotty, drooling toddlers I used to turn my face at the last second so their kisses would land on my cheek and then immediately (and secretly) wipe their saliva from my skin while praying they didn’t have any communicable diseases.
But then I had a child of my own, and I realized that the string of saliva that hangs between our faces after a kiss is more like a bridge between our hearts.
There was a time when snot and boogers were something I could live without. Then I became a mother and clearing my daughter’s nose of snot and boogers became oddly satisfying. There really is nothing like the absolute rush you feel after wrestling out a particularly large booger that has been flapping in and out of your child’s nose all day.
I feel fairly confident I’m not alone here because many parents own specially formulated straws that they use to suck their children’s boogers out with their mouths- a tool that surely wouldn’t be necessary unless booger clearing delivers the same natural high to others that it does to me.
I wasn’t going to include poop because it’s such an obvious choice, but in the interest of mommy journalism, I thought I should.
My feelings about poop have changed dramatically over the course of Hazel’s life. In the beginning, her poop was literally the only thing keeping me from losing my shit. Counting her dirty diapers was something I could use as solid proof that I was keeping her alive, it was my lifeblood in the early weeks.*
Then her poop became green. Thats when it became more of an obsession. I took pictures of it (which I still have-please refer to this post for an explanation.), I googled it, I talked about it… it took up the bulk of my brainpower for at least 2 months.
Next up was weaning, which is when her poop started to border on being gross, but was far too fascinating to be fully disgusting. Now that she is nearly fully weaned, her poop is essentially normal human feces and no longer amusing- which to me is the first sign that she’s ready for potty training.
When I was in 7th grade, I watched a video on childbirth that flashed into my mind when I learned I was pregnant along with a panicked voice screaming “What have you done?!”
Now, I like talking to other women about my experience and hearing their birth stories (that’s what you call it when you’re cool with it). While I don’t want to watch that video ever again and I was definitely not one of those women who wanted to hold the mirror, I feel a little bit of pride and nostalgia when I think about childbirth. Describing it in detail is also a great tool for guilting my husband into doing things.
*All poop puns totally intended